Get all 20 Secret Keeper releases available on Bandcamp and save 30%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Dear love, I let you go., Snow In Tokyo, EP Compilation (2023 Edition), We'll Fail Together, Luxury Funerals (feat. Kyle Medina), No More Flowers (feat. Kelsey Grey), Crushed, Cemetery Feelings, and 12 more.
1. |
The Depths
03:27
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In a sea of make believe lies the shore of misery
Where we watch the ocean surge and laid waste to my dreams
The vast waters and the ocean mist sends my body gently adrift
As I look into the sea I can feel the ocean breeze
Cleanse me and cast me out to sea
And watch me sink baneath the deep
Sleep soundly in an oasis
Dream of all the places this heart-s been yerning for
And let it sweep you upon the shore
Deep desolate abyss just let me reminisce
Taken by the ocean's tide; memories left to confide
In the depths they will lay for the rest of their days
As I look into the sea I can feel the ocean breeze
Cleanse me and cast me out to sea
and watch me sink baneath the deep
Sleep soundly in an oasis
Dream of all the places this heart-s been yerning for
and let it sweep you upon the shore
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2. |
Father's Day
02:40
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Like a child coping with loss
I can't wrap my mind around how much time I've lost
I've never felt so alone
And I don't think this pain will ever leave
Willing to bleed for those who wouldn't lift a finger for me
Staring at the boxes your things were packed in
Remembering how things were back then
Holding your hands in that hospital bed
Hearing the trumpets as you became a memory in my head
This won't be the end of me, it will be the beginning, you see
You be the paper and I'll be the pen
Maybe on these lines we'll be together again
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3. |
Miles Apart
03:12
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How did this happen that years would turn to days
Who would have guessed that miles would disappear
But things aren't changing cause I'm still here
Lying awake these thoughts won't forsake
Hands shaking, head aching: my thoughts are miles apart
Why do friends come and go despite this stagnant state?
My mind swarms with thoughts from the past:
A dream to life and it happened so fast
Lying awake these thoughts won't forsake
Hands shaking, head aching: my thoughts are miles apart
You see these past six years I've lost many things
But through it all one thing remained true
So I'll keep my faith, I won't fall to hollow trends
And see if this so called fate ever ends
I swear I won't let go of this feeling in my chest
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4. |
Left Alone
04:10
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You chew me up
And spit me out
I've always cared
It's myself I don't give a fuck about
I told myself this would never be me
But in the mirror, it's all that I see
I grew up in your arms
And it's hard to forget I wasn't loved from the start
Tell me what it means to be alive
Tell me what it means to live
So I can tell you
You're full of shit
Aren't you so fucking sick?
I never gave a fuck about myself
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5. |
The Glass Half Empty
02:52
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One step forward
Two steps back
I'm losing footing I'm losing tact
On unstable ground
At least I've claimed my plot
Before they lay me back down
Everything is changing while I stay the same
And it feels like I'm waking up to the same day
It's the same old story, the same old place, same old room where I spent most of my days
As a kid, things seemed so much brighter back then
And I never had to fake a smile
And the hardest thing I had to do was ask my mom if I could just stay out a little while longer
I'd dream of leaving when all I ever wanted was right here
But the good things, they pass you by
And you're never there when they die
I've learned the hardest part of growing up is burying the ones you love
So alone I can feel it in every inch of my body, in every bone
It's eating me alive from the inside
An emptiness, I'll always know
So alone I can feel it every inch of my bones
It's eating me alive from the inside
Now I'm sinking down again like I do every day
And god if you're there, please answer me
But you're not there and I know it
So why do I keep talking to the sky when I'm alone here?
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6. |
Everything Falls Apart
04:02
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The truth is I hate my own guts so you won't have to
So much so, that I can't recognize love or the lack of it
I've packed this suitcase a thousand times
Said aloud "I'll never look back"
But end up sitting on my bed just staring at it
I've cried alone more times than I'd like to admit
But I've been too proud to tell you
I'm losing it
Anxiety ridden guilt stricken
The weights of things
It's sinking in
It's like an awful movie I've seen a hundred times and I know the end
And everything falls apart
But I'm collecting the pieces
I found a little bit of hope shoved between the seats In the back of the van
And I'm content with knowing exactly where I am
I've seen hell It's a worn out reclining chair
And I've dreamt of heaven
It's anywhere but here
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7. |
Losing Sleep
03:48
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Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing
Except every time I wore my heart on my sleeve just to have it taken from me
And every time that smoke hit my lungs just to feel at ease
Just like you live for Him, I live for this
Dissect each word but it's the point you always missed
Everything is easier said than done
But these notes can't be written just to stay unsung
You rip me apart
But you were lost from the start
Looking towards the sky to find the throne
But I've found a kingdom in my life
A heaven to call my own
Looking back, I'd leave everything
Set up shop on the corner of every street
Sell all my hopes and dreams to every stranger I meet
But when will you ever acknowledge me?
As a kid storms made me feel safe
On rainy days I knew the clouds overhead
Felt the same as me
But these days I'm losing sleep over nothing
The sky blankets the light and it only seems to bring me down
When it rains, it pours and I'm not sure If I can keep my head above water anymore
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8. |
I Heard That You Died
03:01
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You drink to take the pain away
I write these words to feel the same
Believe me, I haven't moved passed
And you'll always have a piece
And I'll continue to live but always incomplete
You left me with a sigh of relief
But ever since I've hated to be me
I think of you most of the time and what our lives could have been
like
You're the reason why I can't fall asleep at night
You're the reason why I'm watching every sunrise
You're the reason why I grew up too fast
And you're the reason why I can't get past this
I heard that you died
The joyful spirit I once knew is no longer inside of you
They keep telling me I'll be fine but I don't feel alright
I know I always smelled like smoke
But you were the one who made me choke
On all my words
And no matter what your friends say
Love isn't supposed to feel this way
It isn't supposed to hurt
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9. |
Dwell
03:10
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I've carried you inside my mind
For my entire life
Head in my hands
Weighed down
Any lower and I'd be in the ground
I'm wasting breath
And I'm wasting space
Doubled over from the pain
I'd give anything not to feel this way
Nobody gives a shit
Unless you feel like them
And I'm starting to think
That you never cared
I feel gutted So much for friendship
But that's how it always is
You'll leave
And I'll dwell on it
I still reside in this broken home
I can cover up the cracks in the walls
But there's no fixing the nights
I have spent alone
I've carried you inside my mind
For my entire life
Head in my hands
Weighed down
Any lower and I'd be in the ground
Misery loves company
And I'm here to stay
I can never say what I mean
Cause my anxiety is a conscious being
It's got me by the throat
Strangling
It's fucking suffocating
I know we all die alone
But I didn't know that living would be this cold
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10. |
Haunt
04:26
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You still haunt me like you used to
You're the weight on my shoulders
But it's different than before
Cause I've gotten older
I watched your shadow roam around the room all night
Dimly lit by the cloud covered moonlight
I prayed in silence that I might get some sleep
Cause the bags under my eyes
Expressed the words I couldn't speak
I saw your ghost out of the corner of my eye
Darting past the window frame
And I still have that feeling in the corner of my mind
Maybe I fucked up and kept the words I should've said
You still haunt me like you used to
You're the weight on my shoulders
But it's different than before
Cause I've gotten older
You still haunt me like you used to
And it's the same now
Hold me under
Inhale water
Watch me drown
So I'll stay inside
And waste every day away
The sun was never meant for me
Maybe now I'll finally get some sleep
And rest my tired eyes to the sound of exploding arteries
For as long as I can remember
We've kept our fingers perfectly entwined
Your apparition hand in mine It was cold
But at least it was constant
When nothing else in my life was
I've watched all the color fade away
And the knots in my stomach take their place
I wish I could speak up
But with you there's only silence
I'm so afraid of the silence
Why can't I hear anything?
Why can't I feel anything?
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11. |
Gravestones
03:43
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Everything I love turns to gravestones
Just know that I miss you
It's so cold, all alone
Everything I love turns to gravestones
I miss you
And it’s so cold all alone
Everything I say
Falls short anyway
I'll bite my tongue
And close my mouth
I won't cry
Till the blood comes out
I feel locked out
From the inside
With no room to breathe
And I'm out of time
This home I've built
Is no shelter now
A vacant soul
Tear me down
I can feel it again
There's something wrong in my head
I won't go back to where I've been
Cause the Florida heat
Still burns my fucking skin
Cause I'm just a selfish prick
I deserve this
I'm the kid who's always sick
Still sucking down cigarettes
I made you a promise
That I couldn't keep
Cause I had to work on fixing me
Maybe next year I’ll be better
Maybe next year I'll quit
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12. |
Ghost
04:58
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Like the largest ships at sea
We twist and turn
Buckling under treacherous weather
Leaking
And I'm not sure if this vessel can take much more
But we'll stay afloat like we always have
Somehow
And we rushed down below the main deck
Seeking some kind of safety
It was pitch black
But I found comfort in your breathing
Wrapped in darkness till morning
And If we hold each other tight
You can cry in my arms
And I'll run my fingers through every strand of your hair
I can't promise things will be alright
But we'll be together
We'll be together
And we'll write down our feelings
And fold up these parts of our lives into neat little squares
Cherish the words written on each line of both papers
Hold them close to revisit
When things are better
I still have that recurring dream
Where we drown in our sleep
Always awoken to the feeling of your limbs wrapped around me
Like ropes binding my hands and feet
And I'd stay up all night
My eyes trace your outline
And waited for the waves to take my life
I waited for the waves to take my life
Like a beautiful mirage you were gone like a ghost that haunts
A ghost that lingers close by to watch everything unfold
Shipwrecked but not broken
Not lost, but never to be found
The light peaked through the clouds
Where my head resides most days
And I watched you walk along the edge of the rocks
Swaying back and forth
The light bouncing off the tree tops
Silhouetting your figure
And just like that
Like a beautiful mirage you were gone like a ghost that haunts
A ghost that lingers close by to watch everything unfold
In silence
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13. |
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There’s hope
But you can’t afford it
Just pray for it
And hope that god won’t ignore it
The American dream is a disease
Don’t worry we can sell you something
For the pain
And more shit you don’t need
Lay back down
Like last time
It’s over now
I keep seeing
Ghosts outside
The bedroom door
In the walls
Still high from the mold
All the voices in my head
I don’t want to be alone with them
Every decision
Contingent on your “solipsism”
I’d rather stare at my phone
And see who’s worse off
Something inside of you
This really can’t be fixed
And you have to know it’s true
Wish you had shared it with me
Hide away
Don’t get too close
This is the end of all that matters most
We’re all going to die
Don’t breathe on me
I’ll spill my guts
If you’ll clean them up
Because I just can’t be fucked
So entitled
With any luck we’ll be dead by morning
All my friends
They’re so suicidal
Something inside of you
This really can’t be fixed
And you have to know it’s true
Wish you had shared it with me
Hide away
Don’t get too close
This is the end of all that matters most
We’re all going to die
Don’t breathe on me
Haven’t you heard
That we become the pain that we’ve endured
A brand new
Gold plated urn
For all your family and friends
Mom could live forever
From the nightstand
Ashes to ashes
And dust to dust
But you can’t buy back everyone you love
A brand new pile of dirt
His will be done
Guess you didn’t work hard enough
I’ll see you again
In that palace of worms
Scrape the rot off the bone
And you’ll reap what you’ve sewn
Scrape the rot off the bone
We’ll reap what we’ve sown
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14. |
Everyone Disappears
04:13
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Call you up
And I feel sick
Save your breath
We’ll talk when I get home
You sure know the right things to say
But I just can’t hear
This is the year
That everyone disappears
Forget it all
I’ve lost track of the days
Why can’t I remember anything?
I should be happy
Tell me now
How do I fix my brain?
Because friends aren’t friends when you need them
And I guess you can just leave for no reason
Chew me up with your medicine
And throw me out
When no one’s watching
I’ll always miss you
At least the you, you used to be
Forget it all
I’ve lost track of the days
Why can’t I remember anything?
I should be happy
Tell me now
How do I fix my brain?
Torn to shreds
And thrown away
I wouldn’t kill you in the same way
Even on our worst days
I give and you take
I want nothing
Because it’s always something
So I’ll
Sleep it all away
Out of sight
And I’m out of my mind
I’m so sick of flowers
And saying everything will be alright
Because it won’t be
There’s dirt on the lilies
And I’m holding into what we used to be
Take my hand
And feel my skin
My light died
There’s only cold where the warmth had been
I’d see right through you
But I can’t see
Blinded by sun drenched, clipped, translucent wings
Everyone disappears
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15. |
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Stay Inside
For just today
Don’t shift your eyes
Don’t ever look my way
We must not speak
But just trust I’ll know
To find a place
That we can be alone
Work your fingers to the bone
For yet another setback
You must’ve known
Your indecision
Was manufactured
Stop in your tracks
Looks like you’ve seen a ghost
Claw at my skin
To get to the warmth
Will I see you there?
I’ve been burning every bridge that led to you
I’ve got to get back
I’ve been burning every bridge to light my way
I’ve got to get back
It’s getting darker
Everyday
An enigmatic look
And your bare white hips
But you get your love from the end of a syringe
Unclasp you’re hands now
Study every line
Will we meet in a place of only light?
Traverse your mind
Into your deepest fear
Will I see you there?
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